4 Awesome Religions with Pretty Cool Beliefs

If there's anything that's sure to cause a debate, it's opposing religious views. If you've never argued religion you've probably never met anyone who's different from you. Religion is obviously very important to a great number of people, and that's why some people will only accept the most badass religions out there when deciding who or what to worship. Here are some of those religions...


4. SubGenius
I tried to gather some information from the Church of the SubGenius's official website, but found that they don't like giving simple explanations for what they believe. In fact, this is what they say instead: "Pity the poor human Earth Pink who comes looking for a SIMPLE, SHORT EXPLANATION of The Church of the SubGenius™, one that he or she can UNDERSTAND QUICKLY. If the Church could provide THAT, it would be bigger than Islam or Christianity by now -- and probably much, much worse." Instead I turned to the 100% reliable Wikipedia for some information. You know, that website that textbooks have quoted plenty of times yet your teachers forbid you from using. The Church of the SubGenius revolves around the worship of some guy known as J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, who may or may not actually exist.

This guy, apparently.

Around 2003 there were about 10,000 SubGenius members. SubGenius members claim to be "an organization for 'mutants, blasphemers, disbelievers, rebels, outcasts, hackers, freethinkers,' and people who generally consider themselves outside the 'mainstream' of society." So, basically, with this description they sound like a bunch of hipsters. But it gets more interesting. One explanation for the origin of the SubGenius people are that they are direct descendants of the Yeti. Another explanation says that they are the "mutant offspring of a forbidden sexual union that took place millions of years ago between a resident of Atlantis and a human." Basically, these guys' main goal is to have a laugh at organized religion while accumulating "slack" which basically means they should quit their job and take it easy from now on.

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I don't have a good history with the Yeti

3. Missionary Church of Kopimism
I'd venture to say that in the age of LimeWire we were all kind of Kopimists, and some people still find ways to get what they want without paying for it. That's right, the Missionary Church of Kopimism is all about freely sharing files. According to Wikipedia, the church was founded by a 19 year old philosophy major in Sweden. The church believes that copying files is a sacred virtue, and it is morally right despite what laws might say. The keyboard shortcuts for copy (Ctrl-C) and paste (Ctrl-V) are considered sacred symbols to Kopimists. It kind of makes you wonder if that 19 year old philosophy major ever graduated from college, considering his belief that information should be shared and copied freely.

SourceNew religion you say? That's cute. Here's an F.

The interesting thing is that Kopimism is actually recognized as a legitimate religion in Sweden, but that doesn't give them immunity from file sharing laws. The Missionary Church of Kopimism has even held a wedding for some of its followers because it promotes sharing and the spread of information. According to Wikipedia these words were said at the church's first wedding: "We are very happy today. Love is all about sharing. A married couple share everything with each other. Hopefully, they will copy and remix some DNA-cells and create a new human being. That is the spirit of Kopimism. Feel the love and share that information. Copy all of its holiness." I think we can all agree that those are some pretty special words.

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Very special indeed.

2. Jediism
As I'm sure everyone in the world knows by now, Star Wars is the greatest movie series that has ever been created, and likely ever will be created. With this in mind, it's no wonder that people, such as myself, would want to follow the will of the Force. As a religion, Jediism gained prominence in 2001 when residents of some English-speaking countries decided to answer "Jedi" on the census when questioned about their religion. According to a website dedicated to the Jedi Church, over 20,000 people in New Zealand alone identified Jedi as their official religion. Apparently, is some of these countries the Jedi faith outnumbered some smaller Christian groups.

Like a boss!

If, for some strange reason, you don't know about the Force then please GTFO. But then come back after watching Star Wars. I have personally used the Force many times to influence people's decisions and open "automatic" doors and what not. Anyways, the force is "an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together." The Force can be used to influence the weak-minded, and it can give you lightning-fast reflexes, the ability to see the future, and the ability to manipulate objects around you. There is a light side and a dark side, and even though the dark side has a bunch of really cool powers, the Jedi Knights align themselves with the light side. The Jedi code reads as follows:  

There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no death, there is the Force.

Needless to say, this is a totally badass religion. May the Force be with you all.

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1. Dudeism

Dudeism is a religion founded by the Church of the Latter-Day Dude. If you haven't already guessed it, this religion is based on the 1998 movie The Big Lebowski, and more specifically, Jeff Bridges' character "The Dude." According to their official website, the Church of the Latter-Day Dude's philosophy is "Life is short and complicated and nobody knows what to do about it. So don’t do anything about it. Just take it easy, man." This isn't just the project of one Lebowski super fan either. There are actually 150,000 ordained Dudeist Priests all around the world, and it's free to join!

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But why stop there? The Church of the Latter-Day Dude also has several publications such as The Dudespaper, The Tao of the Dude, The Dude De Ching, and you can even write your own Dude-based book using some of the suggested titles! Dudeism has all the paraphernalia you would expect from just about any religion out there. Everything from a store to "help tie the room together," to a prayer page, and even the most awesome Dude-based art you will ever see.

Like this!

Thanks for reading! I'm always looking for new and interesting ideas for my blog, so if you have something you want me to write about please let me know! The comments section on this blog, my Facebook, my tumblr, and real life are all adequate means for providing your suggestions.

6 Reasons the Pokemon World isn't all it's cracked up to be

If you were born in the 1990's there's a great chance that you've watched or played Pokemon in some way. It's one of my favorite video games personally, and I still play it when I have a functioning GameBoy. If you're anything like me there's been a point in your life when you wish you could have just dropped everything to become a Pokemon master instead. However, as I am about to demonstrate, living in the Pokemon world would definitely have its disadvantages. Like...


6. Crazy birth rate
In the Pokemon cartoon series Pokemon hospitals are run with the help of Nurse Joy, and Police Stations are run with the help of Officer Jenny. Every hospital has a Nurse Joy and every police station has an Officer Jenny. If we assume that every town in the Pokemon world has a Pokemon hospital and a police station, and we take into account that I have counted approximately 80 cities/towns in the Pokemon universe, we can see that there are at least 80 Nurse Joys and 80 Officer Jennys! While you may not think that this is a big problem, it gets worse: Every Nurse Joy looks exactly the same as every other nurse Joy and appears to be the same age. The same goes for Officer Jenny! This means that at least two very unfortunate ladies somewhere in the Pokemon world likely gave birth to 80 CHILDREN AT THE SAME TIME! Each mom had to have been bigger than the biggest Snorlax ever! According to the internet, the most babies ever born at once was ten! We're dealing with eight times that number!

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"Excuse me, pregnant lady coming through"

5. Team Rocket
Anyone who has watched the Pokemon cartoon or at least played a Pokemon game for themselves knows that Team Rocket is an easily disposable group of foes. Hell, I don't even remember their main goal... It goes something like: Manipulate Pokemon + Catch Ash's Pikachu = Profit? Anyways, that's far from the actual point I'm trying to make here. The point is that in real life in organized crime syndicate like Team Rocket wouldn't have bumbling idiots on their side. Instead, they'd have highly trained criminals and Pokemon trainers capable of taking over the world. Destroying an entire city would be as easy as raising a few Charizards and have them burn down the whole city. Instead of having a ten year old foil your master scheme you could use a Pokemon to kill the kid before he could do anything. Such awesome power in the wrong hands would be damn near unstoppable, and the end result would essentially be Pokemon war!

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4. Gotta Catch 'Em All! Then what?
Who here has ever tried to catch every Pokemon in a particular game? I know I've tried. There are at least 649 Pokemon now, so catching them all has definitely become quite the difficult task, but not impossible. Now let's say that you do manage to catch all 649, what are you going to do with all of them? The laws of Pokemon dictate that you can only carry six with you at a time, meaning that there are 643 Pokemon who will most likely sit in a computer forever, never to be loved. Sure, you might take one or two out every now and then as need for their special abilities arises, but that's still hundreds of Pokemon who will never again see the light of day. Even if you're a traditionalist who only believes in the first 151 Pokemon, that's still 145 Pokemon who will never get the love and attention they deserve. They'd most likely be better off living in the wild and having never met you.

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"I swear when I get out of here I'm going to kill you all."

3. The education system
Anyone who has truly spent time exploring the world of the Pokemon video games knows that there is a minuscule number of schools spread across the land. And what do they teach in these schools? That's right, Pokemon stuff! While this may sound totally awesome (it is pretty cool) it's not useful unless your whole life is completely devoted to Pokemon. I realize that Pokemon help with everyday aspects of life and work such serving/cooking food, washing cars, and doing all the heavy lifting and thus knowledge of Pokemon would be a useful tool, but you have to remember that they're only Pokemon. While they may possess amazing powers compared to our own they are not capable of the advanced thought that we are, for the most part. There still needs to be schools that teach math, science, language, and other things that are useful to a life without Pokemon. If no one goes to school, who is going to do science?!

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These guys will do all the science.

2. Gotta Eat 'Em All!
As far as I am aware the only animals in the Pokemon world are the Pokemon themselves. While this too sounds like it would be really cool, you also have to realize that we humans kill and eat animals every single day. We also pollute their water and cut down their forests, among other things. Think of how awesome and cute your Pikachu is. Now imagine the restaurant owner setting mouse traps to stop that Pikachu from getting into his kitchen. Think of all the Miltanks that died for your hamburger. Even if you're a vegetarian you'll probably find a Bulbasaur in your salad or something. Unless people in the Pokemon world eat rice and beans all day then there's probably countless slaughtering of cute Pokemon on a daily basis.

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Oh the horror!

1. The health care
"Wait a minute Marcos," you might find yourself saying "there are Pokemon hospitals in every city, and they're free to use!" That is absolutely correct imaginary person I'm using to make a point, but how many HUMAN hospitals have you ever seen in the Pokemon universe? If your answer was a very low number, possibly zero, then you are absolutely correct. With the Pokemon battles that tend to happen every two minutes in the Pokemon universe it's highly likely that a trainer will be injured in some form or fashion. Considering that almost every person in the universe carries multiple creatures that are capable of killing a human being in a heartbeat, there should be a human hospital on nearly every corner. If not, then let's hope that Pokemon remedies work on you too.

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Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it! I'm always looking for suggestions on what to write so feel free to share!

The Story of My First Weekend at Texas A&M

So far I have been blessed with the ability to attend one of the greatest universities ever created for three years, but after one more semester I will have to face the real world and all of its challenges. Unfortunately, on the whole my college experience has been anything than what you can rationally call fun, although it has had its fun moments (don't get me wrong). Astride all of the boring, mundane schoolwork, studying, jobs, and of course chilling by myself when everyone else was busy, there were actually some events that produced stories worth telling. THIS is one of those stories.

Three years ago I was but a freshman trying to find his way in a very large university. I had the distinct misfortune of not getting into any of the dorms I applied for, and thus I was banished to the lowliest dorm of them all: WALTON. For those of you who like Star Wars references, let's just say that you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. For those of you who don't like Star Wars, go watch the greatest movie saga ever created, like it, then come back and read this blog. 

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Walton is basically a collection of the biggest jerks you've ever met and a bunch of dudes who didn't get to live in more socially acceptable dorms. My luck, of course, dictated that I had to live with a typical "Walton Boy," while also having two Walton Boys as my suite mates (for those of you who don't know, a suite mate is the person who lives in the dorm right next to you. The two rooms are connected by a shared restroom. This becomes pivotal later in the story). So, imagine me, during my VERY FIRST NIGHT living in that dorm, chilling in my room by myself playing Roller Coaster Tycoon (I hadn't made any friends yet), and my roommate and suite mates were all out at an infamous "Walton Party." I guess one of my suite mates decided to call it an early night because I could hear him and his also clearly intoxicated girlfriend/hookup/prostitute stumbling up the stairs to our fourth floor residence in what I can only assume was the end result of one bad decision after another.

"Hey, wanna go to my dorm and have sex so that the three people who live within earshot can all hear?"

Clearly the answer to the question posed in the above caption was a firm "yes." My drunk suite mate and his drunk female friend come barging into my room laughing and barely holding themselves up.

Drunk Suite Mate: "Hey dude, I'm too drunk to unlock the door to my room, so I'm just gonna walk through the bathroom."

Sweet, innocent Marcos: "ooookay....."

They weren't really walking through the bathroom as much as they were trying to regain balance from the alcohol induced earthquake they were both surely experiencing. Once they made it into his room there was a silence for maybe two or three minutes until I could hear what sounded like either furniture moving or furniture hitting the wall ever so slightly, as if someone were rocking back and forth at a steady pace... When all of a sudden the drunk girl comes storming out of my bathroom and into the middle of my room because apparently the door to his room was still way too complicated to figure out from the inside where it opens even when locked.

Drunk girl as she's walking through my room: "He's a fucking asshole"

Perhaps he suggested a form of coitus that only takes place in the darkest corners of the internet, perhaps she expected a drunk Walton guy to actually care about her feelings, perhaps she expected payment upfront, but whatever it was she was obviously pretty upset with the guy. A few seconds after she storms out of my room and into the hallway, my suite mate also comes barging through the bathroom with his pants around his ankles. Now, consider this: there are only three doors in my room, one leading to the bathroom that he just came out of, one for the closet, and one leading into the hallway so people may exit the dorm. My suite mate stops in the middle of my room, pants on the ground, looks at me and asks with the dumbest face I've ever seen....

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Drunk suite mate: "Which way did she go?"

REALLY!? Which way did she go!? Oh, she's just hiding in the closet. WHERE DO YOU THINK SHE WENT!?

Me: "Umm she went that way" *points out the door into the hallway*

Then he waddled away (waddle waddle), pants at his feet and all. Once all of the drunk, semi-naked people were out of my room I proceeded to lock every door I owned and then went to sleep for the night. I was hoping that this whole episode would be behind me come morning, but of course I was wrong...

The next morning I woke up to someone moving around my room, but I didn't pay much attention because I figured it was just my roommate. That was until I heard a voice quite unlike my roommate's...

Formerly drunk girl: "Where am I?"

Me, half asleep: "What the.... You're in my room!"

Formerly drunk girl: "Do you have a phone I could use?"

Being the kind person I am I lent her my phone. As she was calling a friend I realized that I was the only person in either room besides her, so of course the problem was mine alone to deal with. I was patiently waiting for her to get her bearings back and communicate to her friend that she needed to be picked up somewhere, but more importantly I was making sure I got my phone back. After she got off the phone she let out a sigh of relief for having a friend who was willing to help her, then....

Formerly drunk girl: "Sweet! Now I just gotta find my pants!"

Maybe I was just not paying attention because I was rudely awoken from my slumber, but that was the first time I noticed that she was wandering about my room with nothing but a t-shirt and her underwear on. I feel like she had shorts on when she angrily stormed through my room the night before, but somewhere along the way those shorts went wanting for an owner. While some men would be quite pleased to find a half-naked female in their living quarters, I was quite upset that I had to deal with this when I could be sleeping instead. I hastily grabbed a pair of my suite mate's basketball shorts off the floor and instructed her to wear those for now. Once clothed she left the room, never to be seen again by the likes of me.

A few hours later my suite mate came by and apologized for all the stuff he couldn't really remember doing. He informed me that the drunk girl decided to get totally naked and run around outside after they had both paraded through my dorm room. I can only imagine that after she went streaking he decided to only clothe her in a shirt and underwear for his own aesthetic pleasure. I'm sure you can guess how the rest of my freshman year went...

Well, that's my story. I can promise it is 100% true. Any suggestions for what I should write about next time? Just let me know in the comments, on tumblr, Facebook, or in person!

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Uncle Marcos' First Entry, and Coming Soon: The Adventures of Spider-Marcos

Many of my friends have no problem remembering back to the days past when I was a very avid, and quite humorous, blogger. Well, as much as I've considered picking up where I left off I don't really seem to have the humor thing down anymore. Sure, I could continue ranting about how awful the world of pop culture, politics, and society in general are... But do you really want to read about that? (Answer: Probably yes). But that's not why I'm here! Instead, I'd like to take a little time to talk about the little things in my life that make it interesting for me, and hopefully we'll have some laughs along the way. Will I still blog about things that annoy the heck out of me? YES (maybe)! You'll just have to stick around and find out.

Lately I have been blessed with the company of my older brother, his wife, and his two children, all of whom typically live in Maine, but are here in Texas on vacation. Since they've been here I've learned that as an uncle I have a very important responsibility to my nieces. Among said responsibilities is teaching them how to say "Gig 'Em Aggies" while sticking their thumbs out (which is increasingly important because my family is comprised of longhorns), teaching them who the good guys and bad guys are in Star Wars, and of course demonstrating the proper way to wield a lightsaber. Hopefully the lessons learned this week will last a lifetime, because let's face it, when is knowing how to wield a lightsaber NOT going to be useful?

That's right, it'll ALWAYS be useful

Anyone who has ever read one of my blogs knows that I like to use as many funny pictures as possible, and I have no shortage of funny pictures simply because I am always on the internet. I'm typically not ashamed to use a funny picture for absolutely no reason other than the fact that it's funny. This is one of those times. BEHOLD:

Source: Sportacus

Lastly, I'd just like to say that my friends can be big jerks sometimes. A few days ago some spider thought it would be a rather good idea to chill on and around my bed, resulting in him biting me on the arm in hopes that he'd scare away the giant, snoring creature or that he'd have the best meal he's ever had. Either way, I was bitten by a spider in my sleep, bringing the number of possibly poisonous things that have attacked me in my sleep up to a total of two. Unfortunately for me, the bite became infected, and some major swelling ensued. After seeing the doctor I had to take 8 antibiotics a day, and apply ice and heat to my wound. Of course, seeing as my friends are... well.... my friends, they laughed and made fun of me for the fact that I couldn't hang out with them at the time because I was busy icing my spider bite. I think they were under the impression that a spider bite is essentially the equivalent of a butterfly landing gently on your shoulder.Of course, once I showed them that the swelling had gotten so bad it looked like my arm decided to grow a tomato, they felt a little bad about their comments. Still, what jerks, right? Oh well, with great spider bite comes great responsibility.

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Everybody gets one

Thanks for reading! I'll post another entry...whenever.